We’ve all heard the saying that real love finds us when we stop looking for it. It’s one of those phrases that can feel overused, almost like background noise in conversations about relationships. And yet, when you pause and reflect, there’s a quiet honesty in it. Many people, looking back on their lives, realize that their most meaningful connections didn’t come from searching desperately—they arrived naturally, often when they least expected it.
Relationship expert Kate Ross offers an interesting perspective on this idea. As mentioned by Canada Living, she suggests that we may experience true love only three times in our lifetime. At first, that number feels surprisingly small. After all, most of us go through multiple relationships, meet different people, and experience a range of emotions that feel very real in the moment.
But here’s where things get more nuanced. A survey conducted by Vashi, which included 3,000 participants in the UK, found that the average person has around five relationships over the course of their life. This creates an interesting gap between the number of relationships we have and the number of loves that truly shape us.
The difference lies in the kind of love we experience. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and not every connection is meant to be life-defining. Some relationships are fleeting but meaningful, others are intense but unstable, and a few leave a lasting imprint on who we become. When we start to look at love through this lens, it becomes easier to understand why only a handful of relationships feel
truly transformative.
Understanding the Different Types of Love
- Idealistic Love
This is often the first kind of love we experience. It may happen during our teenage years or later, but it always carries a sense of wonder and excitement. Everything feels new, and emotions run high. We tend to see the other person through “rose-colored glasses,” focusing on their best qualities while overlooking their flaws.
In this stage, love feels almost magical. We imagine perfect futures, believe in grand gestures, and often get swept away by the intensity of our emotions. While it may not always be grounded in reality, idealistic love plays an important role—it introduces us to what it feels like to care deeply for someone.
- Destructive Love
The second type of love is often more complicated. It usually comes at a time when we’re trying to heal, fill an emotional void, or move on from something in our past. This love can be passionate and intense, but it may also be unbalanced or even unhealthy.
Destructive love challenges us. It can bring out insecurities, test our limits, and force us to confront parts of ourselves we may not fully understand. While it can be painful, it is also deeply instructive. Through these experiences, we learn about boundaries, self-worth, and what we truly need from a partner. In many ways, this kind of love shapes our emotional maturity.
- Lasting Love
The final type of love is often the most unexpected. It doesn’t always begin with fireworks or overwhelming intensity. Instead, it grows
steadily over time, rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and emotional balance.
Lasting love feels different—it’s calmer, more secure, and deeply fulfilling. It’s not built on illusion or need, but on genuine connection. This is the kind of love that supports growth, encourages honesty, and helps both individuals become better versions of themselves. It doesn’t just add happiness to life; it creates stability and meaning.
In the end, love isn’t about how many times we fall—it’s about how deeply those experiences shape us. Whether it’s five relationships or three great loves, each one plays a role in helping us understand ourselves a little better. And perhaps that’s the real takeaway: love isn’t just something we find—it’s something we learn, experience, and grow through over time.
Media professional and journalist based in British Columbia, Canada. Founder of Studiox Film & TV Corporation, focusing on multicultural news, interviews, and community storytelling across Canada.
